The Inner Pep Talk

If you are anything like me (and you might not be at all so this may not apply), there are moments where you feel fine and everything is just going along kinda normal. Then you see something that hits you square in the gut and you totally lose it. I was perusing the bookstore on my lunch and there was a book about dying, and stupid me decided to pick it up.

"Nice job there, CW, pick up a book about dying while you are walking the cancer tightrope. That'll help your state of mind!"

I had to fight not to lose it right there in the bookstore. I put it down and walked out. On the way out I was pep talking myself like crazy.

"You aren't going to die from this. Dr. M said the prognosis is great. Dr. S has been cutting out thyroids for 25 years. It's all good. You have a new life perspective and you are learning from it. You aren't going to die for a long, long time."

This worked on the short-term, but like anything, the doctors-that-be don't really know what they are going to find until they go inside so it could be worse than what Drs. M and S are telling me. They are only going off of what they know right now.

It's okay to be afraid is what I am saying. Don't let the positive talk posse make you think that if you feel bad at any time that you are not staying positive or that you don't have hope. You can have both of those things and still be afraid.